Friday, December 30, 2011

Introspection on a rainy day in December...

I’m sitting in Wells Fargo, closing a business of 12 years. The end of the year approaches and it is time. Only our single employee has ever received a paycheck so I’m “burning the armada,” as my daughter advised. There are only so many hours in a day and, indeed, in a life and I need to find that subtle balance between being actively engaged in a good cause and living a frenzied life wherein things get done but joy does not exist.

What have I learned? I’ve learned that most of what I know has slipped out my left ear and dribbled down my neck. But all the feelings remain - awaiting examination. As I meditate, read, and observe, I carefully juxtapose each facet to form complete multi-dimensional stories, hopefully with enough interest to satisfy my readers. With a touch of patience, I pray the journey will be cathartic as I try to figure out my life - a diamond in the making. Perhaps ruby, if you will, as that is my birthstone rather than a cliché.

The window of my brother’s RV looks out over the hillside on one side and the Columbia on the other. The bed is currently my office as the furnace just informed us that it was tired of working and kept whining to be fixed. A down comforter does more than comfort and having one’s feet up is not so bad!

But back to the bank, I found myself doing some spontaneous writing as the bank manager had conveniently left a pen and a Post-it note tablet within easy reach. The time she was gone passed in a flash as thoughts became words and the stirring of a small animal awoke a pleasant, almost happy feeling in the jumbled leaves of my mind. “I’m writing. How delightful,” I thought as the words began to pour across the small page. Megan returned. I ended my sentence, apologized for assuming control of her work station, thanked her for helping me, and strolled back into the rain.

A moment. Just a moment but the burning of the armada, the casting off of what I thought was important to actually do what was important imparted a feeling, fleeting, tender, just an ember’s glow. I was writing once again.

As your year ends and another begins, rather than swear off chocolate or make fatal promises to “get in shape” yet again, try examining what is important and what brings you joy. Seek joy. It tastes better than chocolate.

4 comments:

  1. Beautiful and thought-provoking. It's strange to watch the hell that so many people trudge through on their way to an undefined destiny. Joy. That's what the human soul needs to sustain. A great New Year's Resolution - seek joy.

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